April 26, 2024

“Research by Peter Gollwitzer and his colleagues shows that vowing, even intense vowing, is often useless. The next day comes and the next day goes.”

2:56 AM

“What works is making a vivid, concrete plan: “Tomorrow during my break, I’ll get a cup of tea, close the door to my office, and call the graduate school.” Or, in another case: “On Wednesday morning, right after I get up and brush my teeth, I’ll sit at my desk and start writing my report.” Or: “Tonight, right after the dinner dishes are done, I’ll sit down with my wife in the living room and have that discussion. I’ll say to her, ‘Dear, I’d like to talk about something that I think will make us happier.’ ””

2:57 AM

“Think of something you need to do, something you want to learn, or a problem you have to confront. What is it? Now make a concrete plan. *When* will you follow through on your plan? *Where* will you do it? *How* will you do it? Think about it in vivid detail.”

2:57 AM

“Let’s go back a few paragraphs to when you were rejected by the graduate school. Suppose your attempt to make yourself feel better had failed. *You could still have taken the growth-mindset step.* You can feel miserable and still reach out for information that will help you improve.”

2:58 AM

“you saw your partner’s request as a criticism of you that you didn’t want to hear.”

4:07 AM

“First, spouses can’t read your mind, so when an anger-provoking situation arises, you have to matter-of-factly tell them how it makes you feel.”

12:56 PM

“They, in turn, can reassure you that they care about how you feel and will try to be more watchful.”

12:56 PM