January 14, 2026

“If you're anything like me, you think new years resolutions are stupid. Because most people go about changing their lives in the completely wrong way. They create these resolutions because everyone else does – people... we create a superficial meaning out of status games – but they don’t meet the requirements for true change, which goes a lot deeper than convincing yourself you’re going to be more disciplined or productive this year. If you're one of these people, I'm not here to talk down on you (I tend to be a bit harsh in my writing). I’ve quit 10x more goals than I’ve achieved. I think that should be the case for most people. But the fact that people try to change their lives and utterly fail almost every time holds true. However, as much as I think new years resolutions are stupid, it’s always wise to reflect on the life you hate so you can launch yourself toward something that much better, as we will discuss. So whether you want to start the business, transform your body, or take the risk toward a more meaningful life without quitting after 2 weeks, I want to share 7 ideas you probably haven’t heard before on behavior change, psychology, and productivity so you can do just that in 2026. This will be comprehensive. This isn’t one of those letters that you read through and forget about. This is something you will want to bookmark, take notes on, and set aside time to think about. The protocol at the end (to dig deep into your psyche and uncover what you truly want in life) will take about a full day to complete, with effects that last far longer than that. Let’s begin. ## I – You aren’t where you want to be because you aren’t the person who would be there When it comes to setting big goals, people tend to focus on one of the two requirements for success: 1. Changing your actions to make progress toward the goal (least important, second order) 1. Changing who you are so that your behavior naturally follows (most important, first order) Most people set a surface-level goal, hype themselves up to remain disciplined for the first few weeks, then go back to their old ways without much struggle, because they were trying to build a great life on a rotting foundation. If this doesn’t make sense, let’s run through an example. Think of somebody successful. It can be a bodybuilder with a great physique, a founder/CEO worth hundreds of millions, or a charismatic dude who can chat up a group without a shred of anxiety entering his mind. Do you think the bodybuilder has to “grind” to eat healthy? Does the CEO have to discipline themselves to show up and lead the team? To you, it may seem like that on the surface, but the truth is that <em>they can’t see themselves living any other way. </em>The bodybuilder has to grin<strong>d to eat un</strong>healthily. The CEO has to force themself to lie in bed past their alarm clock, and they hate every second of it (there is nuance here, just entertain me for a second). To some people, my own lifestyle seems a bit extreme and disciplined. To me, it’s natural, and I don’t say that to contrast it with any other kind of lifestyle. I simply enjoy living this way. When my mom tells me that I should take a break, go out, and have some fun... I hold my tongue from telling her, “If I weren’t having fun, why would I be doing what I’m doing?” This next sentence may sound simple, but it is baffling how many people don't get it. If you want a specific outcome in life, you must have the <em>lifestyle </em>that creates that outcome long before you reach it. If someone says they want to lose 30 pounds, I often don’t believe them. Not because I don’t think they are capable, but because there are too many times when that same person says, “I can’t wait until I'm done losing weight so I can start to enjoy life again.” I hate to break it to you, but if you don’t adopt the lifestyle that led to you losing the weight, for life, and find a <em>reason with a higher gravitational pull </em>than the one tying you to your previous ways, then you will go straight back to where you started, and you can unhappily say that you wasted the resource you will never get back: time. When you truly change yourself, all of your habits that don’t move the needle toward your goal become disgusting, because you have a deep and profound awareness of what kind of life those actions compound into. You are okay with your current standards because you are not fully aware of what they are or what they lead to. We will discuss how to uncover this, but we need to build up to that. You say you want to change. You say you want to “become financially free” and “get healthy,” but your actions show otherwise for a reason. And it goes a lot deeper than you think. ## II – You aren’t where you want to be because you don’t <em>want</em> to be there Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement. – Alfred Adler If you want to change who you are, you must understand <em>how the mind works </em>so that you can start to reprogram it. The first step to understanding the mind is to understand that all behavior is goal-oriented. It's teleological. When you think about it, this is kinda obvious, but when we dig into it, most people don’t want to hear it. You take a step forward because you want to reach a certain location. You scratch your nose because you want to make the itch go away. Those ones are clear, but most of the time, your goals are unconscious. You may not realize that when you sit on the couch in the middle of the day, you are trying to burn time before your next responsibility, as one simple example. On an even more unconscious and complex level, you pursue goals that can harm you, but you justify your actions in a way that is socially acceptable and doesn’t make you seem like a loser. As an example, if you can’t stop procrastinating your work, you may justify it with the fact that you “lack discipline,” but in reality, you are attempting to achieve a goal like you always are. In this case, that goal could be to <em>protect yourself from the judgment that comes from finishing and sharing your work.</em> If you say you want to quit your dead-end job, but stay in it without any real reason, you may start to think you don’t have enough courage, or that you were never really a “risk taker,” but the truth is that you are pursuing the goal of safety, predictability, and an excuse to not look like a failure to everyone else in your life who sees working a dead-end job as a sign of success. The lesson here is that real change requires changing your goals. I don’t mean <em>setting </em>some surface-le<em>vel goal because the act of doing that serves an unconscious goal that is actually ha</em>rming you. That’s been ran through enough in the productivity space. I m<em>ean changing yo</em>ur point of view. Because that’s what a goal is. A goal is a projection into the future that acts as a lens of perception which allows you to notice information, ideas, and resources that aid in you achieving that goal. Now let’s dig a bit deeper, because if you don’t understand this, it only becomes more difficult to get out. I send out letters like these 1-2x a week. If you don’t want to miss them, [join here.](https://letters.thedankoe.com) You can also read my book free, other letters, etc. ## III – You aren’t where you want to be because you’re afraid to be there The important thing for you to remember is that it does not matter in the least how you got the idea or where it came from. You may never have met a professional hypnotist. You may never have been formally hypnotized. But if you have accepted an idea - from yourself, your teachers, your parents, friends, advertisements, from any other source - and further, if you are firmly convinced that idea is true, it has the same power over you as the hypnotist’s words have over the hypnotized subject. – Maxwell Maltz Here’s how you’ve become who you are today, and how you will become who you will be tomorrow. This is the anatomy of identity: 1. You want to achieve a goal 1. You perceive reality through the lens of that goal 1. You only notice “important” information and ideas that all”

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